Live no longer and prosper no further
by terig
Summary: Victory isn't supposed to feel like this. Knowing everyone would have died shouldn't make you wish they had, only if it meant he would have lived.


**A/N: Who's being a cruel and rude writer? Me! Heh, enjoy!**

 **Read up!**

Spock looked into Engineer Montgomery Scotts eyes as the Scotsman shook his head sadly which prompted the science officer to walk over to the cruel glass block before him.

"Open it." _Please…_

"The decontamination process is not complete. Ye'd flood the whole compartment… The doors locked sir" The anguish that tore through Spock as he was forced to watch Jim die a slow and painful death was incomprehensible. _No, he won't die. He_ _ **can't**_ _._ Knowing there was nothing he could do to stop Jim's suffering made it worse. Crouching down so he was at the same level as Jim he focused solely on the captain's face.

"How's our ship?"

"Out of danger... You saved the crew" Spock didn't know what to do with himself. He just stared at his dying Captains face and _felt_ himself dying along with him.

"You used what he wanted against him. That's a nice move." Even as Jim lay on the cold unforgiving ground, breathing in what could be his last breath; he still tried to praise his crew. Still tried to praise _him_.

"It is what you would've done." The science officer swallowed the lump of emotion suddenly lodged in his throat.

"And this: this is what you would've done. It was only logical..." Jim gasped in a shuddering breath. "I'm scared Spock, help me not be." Jim's voice was cracking with emotion: with fear. Spock wanted nothing more than to be able to trade places with Jim, if he could he would do so without a hint of hesitation.

But the science officer was scared too. Spock had no idea what he would do should Jim die. He would loose a Captain, a friend, a brother, a lov-. _No_. Jim was not his th'y'la. _Or was he?_

"How do you choose not to feel?" That sentence is what broke him, his Vulcan half was blown away as his human half shone through. A flood of emotion crashing into him, tears were immediately pooling behind his eyes and his voice wavered as he replied. "I do not know. Right now I am failing."

Jim was now crying himself; it was as though he knew how important the captain's life was to his science officer. How his possible death would crush the Vulcan. Their relationship had always been one of gossip around the ship; were they best friends or something more?

Sometimes Spock wasn't even sure himself.

Jim was the only person he knew other than Uhura that could evoke such human emotions within him. It was both pleasing and terrifying.

However none of the emotions which were swirling through Spock in that moment were anywhere close to being positive. It felt as though a tidal wave of despair and sorrow had just slammed into his body and Spock had no choice but to go with the flow of his emotions and try to stop from drowning.

"I want you to know why I couldn't let you die… Why I went back for you." Jim's broken gaze transpired all his thoughts to Spock and the Vulcan finally understood. He finally knew why Jim had broken so many rules to save him.

"Because you are my friend." Spock's voice was laden with emotion, he couldn't help it. He was drowning and it was showing. He knew what was coming next, he'd known it all along but had just been denying the thought but he _knew_. Jim was going to die.

He couldn't save him.

Spock couldn't speak; he no longer trusted his voice and the emotions which were so clearly leaking through it.

The look in his Captains eyes was enough to make him scream inside, breathing in more of that sorrow and choking on it. Drowning. _Dying_.

Jim's bloodshot eyes met the Vulcan's own as he placed his hand against the cruel glass which was separating the pair. Spock moved without even thinking about it, placing the traditional Vulcan departing sign against the glass.

 _Live long and prosper._ The phrase was just a cruel teasing phantom of what could have been and never would be. Jim would live no longer and prosper no further.

With the last of his energy Jim slowly moved his fingers until he was imitating Spock's own hand sign. A moment of understanding passed through the two as they locked eyes.

Then Jims hand fell.

Complete and utter destruction. Spock's emotions battered and beat him, drowning him so that the only thought he could manage was _revenge_.

Khan would pay. He had done this; he had driven Jim to climb into the reactor. He had driven the captain to climb into his own coffin.

And now Spock would put Khan in his own.

 _Victory isn't supposed to feel like this. Knowing everyone would have died shouldn't make you wish they had, only if it meant he would have lived._

 **The End**

 **A/N: Hope you enjoyed this little story. I've had the beginning of this story written for over a year now and I finally decided to finish it.**

 **Better late than never!**

 **As always though these characters don't belong to me so obviously all of what I just wrote is fake and shall never happen… Oh wait… Heh sorry I couldn't resist.**

 **Here's hoping the next thing I post will finally be my transformers fanfiction and not avoidance stories!**


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